A life in the day of Lord Voldemort
by xxFreakshow
Summary: Title pretty much says it all. Warning: sarcasm.


_**A life in the day of Lord Voldemort**_

He sat all high and mighty on his silver throne. That's right, silver. He looked down on his Death Eaters. He was ashamed of more than half of them, but if he killed them, he wouldn't have that much left. And his army had to have an intimidating size, of course. Besides, he did love playing with them. No, it wouldn't suit him in any way to simply kill them. He would have to stick to Crucio. Not that he minded.

"Are you trying to tell me that you failed?" he said in his cold intimidating voice.

Goyle was shaking in his tattered boots. At least, he _thought_ it was Goyle. He barely bothered to distinguish his Death Eaters from each other anymore. Only Bellatrix, Snape and Lucius demanded that kind of attention. Who cares about them anyway? As long as they served him and remained loyal, he couldn't care less.

He shot the terrified figure one of those piercing looks and he knew enough. "Crucio." He had been itching to cast that all day. Luckily his loyal Death Eaters never failed to give him an excuse to use it at least seven times a day. Bless them.

Through Goyle's screams and pleads, Voldemort shouted all kinds of insults and threats at him, successfully hiding his glee at torturing him. It was good to be the Dark Lord. After not nearly enough time, he lifted the curse. He wouldn't want another deranged Death Eater on his hands. Bellatrix was more than enough. "Get out of my sight." Before Voldemort had even finished saying it, Goyle Disapparated. Voldemort couldn't help smirking. He shouted at his other Death Eaters to get back to their jobs.

He _could_ just do everything himself, God knows he could do way better, but he enjoyed ordering people around and torturing so much more than a job well done. In fact, he frequently sent his dumbest followers on impossible, pointless missions, so he could yell at them and torture them later. Yes, it was good to be the Dark Lord. He leaned back in his throne. Facing his precious throne was a glass wall, through which he could look down at the city. He had carefully measured the distance from the wall to his throne. The space in front of his throne was his favourite place to torture people, after all. As he sat watching the burning city (courtesy of his loyal Death Eaters), he felt that something was missing.

"Wormtail! Fetch me a glass of absinthe!" He could've simply summoned it, but it was far more satisfying to watch Wormtail run over, trip over his Muggle maid costume (that Voldemort had made him wear, because he could), spill most of the drink and then snarl at him as he fetched another. When Voldemort finally had his absinthe, he Crucio'd Wormtail for the hell of it. He cackled as Wormtail ran for his life. Idiot didn't even have the sense to Disapparate. Voldemort had grown quite fond of Wormtail. No one was as fun to bully as him.

After an hour or two, watching the chaos outside and drinking absinthe was starting to bore Voldemort. What will he do next? He liked the idea of torturing Wormtail some more. "Wormtail!" Wormtail came dashing in immediately.

"Yes, my lord?" he squeaked looking petrified.

"Tell Greyback to come here. I'd like a word with him." Voldemort only ordered him that, because he knew Wormtail was terrified of Greyback. He would think about what he would tell Greyback later.

"W-what?" Wormtail stuttered.

Voldemort glared at him. "I told you to get Greyback for me. Do you have a problem with that?" Predictably, Wormtail shook at the very thought of facing Greyback and didn't answer. Voldemort lazily waved his wand. "Crucio." He couldn't resist letting out an evil "Muahahaha" as he watched Wormtail writhe in agony. As soon as Voldemort lifted the curse, Wormtail Disapparated. Voldemort let out another evil laugh. What shall he tell Greyback? Oh, he'd just have him murder some people that annoyed him or whatever.

A little while later, Wormtail and Greyback Apparated together. There were three deep scratches across Wormtail's face. He dashed out of the room. "You called for me, my lord?"

"Yes. Go murder every blonde Muggle you come across." No master plan. Voldemort kept it simple out of laziness. Besides, blondes have always annoyed him for no particular reason. Greyback raised one of his eyebrows, but Voldemort could see that he was excited. "As you wish." He Disapparated again. Voldemort loved it when his followers didn't ask questions and just did as they were told.

The rest of Voldemort's day was pretty much just bullying Wormtail, shouting at and torturing random Death Eaters, laughing evilly and drinking absinthe. He didn't have any big plans for today. He would deal with that wretched Potter another time. He was not in the mood to be thwarted today. The whole day had been so enjoyable.

As usual, he ended it by having dinner with his Death Eaters. And as always Wormtail sat on his right (he liked the irony of Wormtail being his so-called right hand) and Bellatrix on his left. Voldemort had arranged that Greyback sat next to Wormtail. Wormtail was still in his maid's uniform and had prepared the meal. Most of them were chatting animatedly about who they were going to maim tomorrow or how they could possibly catch the Boy Who Lived. Voldemort took to snarling at the stupid things they suggested and smirking at the sight of the petrified Wormtail.

Greyback kept complaining about the food. Suddenly, surprised by his own daring, Wormtail squeaked "If you think it's that bad, why don't _you_ cook from now on?"

Greyback flashed an evil smile. "I've got a better idea." Without any warning, he turned his plate upside down above Wormtail's head.

Voldemort was beside himself at the look on Wormtail's face. He cackled harder than he had all day. With another unexpected streak of bravery, Wormtail grabbed a fistful of his own food and threw it at him. Bellatrix dived in front of Voldemort, screaming something about saving him. Like Voldemort couldn't easily have blocked it with magic.

Evil smiles gradually lit the other Death Eaters' faces, which could only mean one thing. In a few minutes a fully fledged food fight had broken out. Voldemort rolled his eyes. Idiots. He had conjured a shield around him and was watching his loyal followers in amusement and disgrace. Wormtail was fresh out of bravery and was hiding under the table. Voldemort would've Crucio'd him again, if he didn't need his wand to keep the shield intact. The Death Eaters had divided into two groups and they were mercilessly throwing food at each other, the smarter ones aided by magic. Lucius and Snape (yes, even Snape had joined in out of sheer annoyance) were the only ones that managed to stay clean. They were naturally on the same team. Bellatrix looked crazier than ever, another had just gotten a face full of food and tripped over a chair, yet another broke a plate.

Voldemort lazily rested his head in one of his hands. Just another typical day at Evil Incorporated…

* * *

_Author's Notes: _Just a cool idea I had. This probably won't be popular at all (like that's ever stopped me), but I had fun writing it. 

_Disclaimer:_ Characters & spells are still from J.K. Rowling.


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